best a word unhealthy.

if you think of me as often
as you say you do
why won't you just
give
in?

listen, soulmate.

i'm sick, too. I'm exhausted!
too.

and for the most redundant thing:
of you.
the way you say you are of me.

how can we keep on saying the same,
perfect things
to each other?

i am SICK
and also very TIRED
of hearing it.

if you think of me often
it is nature.
you are forcing yourself
away from the natural.

why are you disrespecting her?

it was me who got shut off.
it is me still begging for mercy:
this is fucked.
why am i involved?
this is fucked beyond
my spirituality.

you spoke of men causing madmen.
wholly! you are a hypocrite.
but think no fear, i did not mean that as an offense.

you must truly despise me to your soul.
and that is why i am so fascinated.
i have never wanted to be attractive.
but if i move you
i want
desperately
to know why.

are you scared to be provoked?

i will continue.
i will not let up.
all this provocation is letting me write!
hallelujah!

Bell.

you can outdo my words
a lifetime
of times.
am i the only one who knows this?
YOU'RE ALSEEP.

WAKE UP AQUARIUS.
THIS IS YOUR DAWNING.

no. i will not let up.
stop wishing it.

i will never quit my harassment of you.
you don't want me to.
with a twist of perception i'm still acting
the way you want me.
you bloodyfuck
need
my
want.
and
i
want
you
so
bad.

hah. your soul was almost mine again.
you spoke, even, of serenade.
maybe when we're both dreaming i'll tiptoe
over to you
and you'll tell me all about it
and it will be our secret.

i have written so long about you.
i'm beginning to think my crave
is unhealthy.
i truly bash myself
for caring.

and, yes, i do say meaningless things
but not things i regret.

my mind is obviously spinning.
i simply don't want these repetitions.
those letters will become art, Bell.
CAN YOU FEEL FOR ONCE?

i promise i'll try to be logical.

i want to discover.
i've said it before:
i want to uncover.

fuck.

my mind is obviously splitting.
can you please
quit your non-thoughts
of thinking yourself unpoetic?
even if the irritation of me calls from beneath:
you
are
an
artist.

i want to know if i reach you.
if you say
you are reached
we can conquer by wordling and
by wordling foe.
earth's characters are us at this turnpoint.
i want to be universal.
i want to go out with a bang.
i want somebody greater
to keep up the art.

i want the whatfuck ideals of me
to take lost expression.
i want choas
through
meditation.

i know, i want too much.
i am not ashamed.

even on the dirt road
perspiring,
flustered, fleeting!
there is the entire world.

i have seen the mountains from the dirt.
i have taken a beautiful road
to a dirty place.
because
passion
exists.
and i believe, perhaps,
that passion is the strongest of all feelings
simply conjugated
with differences.

sedate me.
right now!
do me.
my mind needs a lotus.

the lotus has my back.

shine through!
sunray-sailor,
shine on.

i'm an escapist.
i'd invite you to escape
with me
because i think it
so
awful
romantic.
but i won't. not yet.

SHINE, BELL. SHINE.