***Chapter Two (the long run)

freedom is a shadow desperate
for light.
those things lit
are burning.
i will never win.
i am erect.
i need to know how our souls
first started
here on earth.
how did we first
fuck each other over?
how did we first
fuck?
you're consuming.
my soul is euphoric with its absolute hate
of you
you.
you.
you.
freedom! bless ye, old one.
bless your children. you desperate fiend.
bless your goddamn hole. slut.
you have blessed no one in all your lives.
you have been pathetic.
and i,
i have been
even more
extreme.
Oh, i've wrecked.
But, jesus. i've uncovered.
and all i want, now,
is to take off yours.
your blanket
your clothing
your fucking gorgeous skin.
you're fuck
all
everything.
gorgeous creature! do you know what?
i melt all over you.
i cringe in shivers of adoration.
i shiver in the sensation of Cringe.
you're bloody awful.
you're more manly than any of the men
i've tolerated.
and still, you're the kind
that bleeds.
your curves. your cunt. fuck.
do you dare adventure?
do you DARE externalize?
you are filled with darkness.
do you know why i'm taken?
because lovers fuck in the dark.
you creature. you monster. you thing.
you everything, you anything.

dollface.

i know you hate me dearly.
i know, clearly,
you can see me and read me without
the printed words.
we're each in a torture device
fashioned by the other.
i could not, at this fathom point
(six feet under)
imagine my days with you
the way we were.
i'll take your word and keep myself at blame
so i can continue loving you.
so i can continue in my childishly-attached mode
so that i never actually
want to run
from you.

i've been running a lot lately.
i SWEAR to the Spirit i would not
have left home
if it wasn't for your contaminous mischief.
i ran.
i learned the trick
solely from you.
souly
from you.
others have left me.
i have written over them.
i have mocked human emotion.
sadly i find myself on earth again.
sadly,
i believe it was to follow you.
so you couldn't live this pain
alone.
so i could again want more:
and want,
and want! terribly.
fuck, lady.
you keep me in want of men.

i was asked several sleeps ago
what, exactly,
i searched for in a lover.
i had never been asked a question so simple.
and i, simply:
i want someone i know
i wouldn't mind hurting.
it would be how i'd know
their worth.
it'd be how i'd know
the fuck
was for love.