blur/just now V

i'm getting my mind back. i'm touching root i'm
expanding and bringing it all
closer to me.

i can't remember being born.
i can't remember how i'm going to die.

no. am i still a child?
how many things full grown must i do
to be full?
must i devour
to grow?

i loath the question.
i loath more, when it is in my voice.

there are people i hardly know
though certainly
care deeply about.
not of their worth to me, but-gorgeous fucks.
of their worth to the goddamn world.

this is how i know i have grown.

i care now. less of myself, far less of myself,
and everything for everything around me.

i light the match to take my age away.
i take the drags and feel my youth slipping.
a future thought may deliver me tears
when it's not just my confidence unknown
it's the truth.

Aah, i hate being born.
to enter and re-enter this awesome trip.
i'll keep on saying it! the earthly life is a drug
for our souls.
and in my human body
i move to the void of the inbetween
and truly
i am universal.

where are the colours of my mind?
there is some ancient vessel that releases their space
their raw their tantric sex.
i've started tapping at it. dreaming, tripping, fleeting:
one earthbound day it will certainly bust.

the colours will fly!
my soul
will
go
home.

and miss this mother.
careless and everything motherly.
i will look at her children on the drug
and want my addictions back.