do you read the letters
I have sent to you
Repeatedly?
Do you, honestly
Revisit any of my lovenotes,
Regressions, or rantlings
To banish you of your thoughts of me—
To get your fix
Of my junk
So that you are able to continue
Seemingly effortlessly
To keep me banished.
Do you keep your crave satisfied?
That you manage to constantly Be
Without my word of Now.
That you manage, most indefinitely,
Without me.
I know you have not forgotten about me.
Do you go back to the old print
To remind
Your mind
Of the way I thought of you?
To recap this madcap,
And to do it all in secret
All like a hermit
And in repression
for the explosives
of our actual speak?
I consider it all very haunting.
I will be truthful here:
I reread the letters I have sent to you
More than
The letters you have sent back.
I read into my past
Far more
Than yours.
To ask myself what I did
That was so wrong
To have things be
The way they are now.
I am never satisfied.
